Traveling

Peru.

It's here. We're leaving for the airport in less than 2 hours. Yea!

I'm excited for my mom. She is fulfilling a dream by going on this trip. Kind of cool to get to witness someone fulfill a dream. How often does that really happen?

As excited as I am, a part of me is also a little apprehensive. I feel like travel changes the traveler. When I return, I won't be the same person that is writing this. That person is leaving today to be replaced by the one that returns. The thought makes me a little sad. I like this me. Hopefully the one that returns will only improve on the theme.

I'm calm. I'm chill. That's been my state for a few months now and luckily, it hasn't abandoned me today. I'm looking forward to the adventure and glad to have Mom traveling along with me.

Confusing

My head and my heart are a mess. I guess it's a good time for a vacation. We leave for Peru tomorrow. I'm happy to have something else to focus on, if only for a week.

Knowing

"They" say 'you'll just know when it's right.'

I don't trust "them" on most subjects. But, I met someone and I just know.

He is kind and compassionate. He is intelligent and wise. He is cheerful and lighthearted in equal measure to being serious and steadfast. He is the kind of person I aspire to be.

I can't wait to get to know him more. I see good things in the future.

Nauseating

I feel like I'm going to throw up. I hate this feeling.

Worms in the food and blood on the floor. It's been a rough day.

Ugh...

Anticipating

Why is it that the anticipation of something is usually so much more exciting than the participation in the same something?

Just a question for the universe.

On a slightly different note, I am completely in love with my life at the moment. I'm a happy girl. I'm learning to embrace the happinesss and trust it. In the past, happiness has always betrayed me, eventually.

Tastes Like Summer

Citrus Chicken on Black Bean and Corn Salad

I've become one of them. You know, those people who take pictures of their food. Geez!!

Smiling

I overheard a little girl in the grocery store tell her mom she was so happy she was smiling on the inside too. The phrase stuck in my mind.

Today, I am smiling on the inside. It's has been the most enjoyable day. Start to, well, the present moment. Here's the run down:

7:30 Farmer's Market. Who knew there were lavender eggplant? I know now.
8:00 Coffee House. Yum. Latte, Music, Hafiz, Chill.
10:00 Food Bank. VAP. Chili, Chicken, Dishes, Cleaning. I'm a happy girl.
1:30 Doing my own dishes. Not as much fun.
3:30 Swimming at the Y with Mom. Good times.
5:00 Making Dinner. Ripped of Jonny's Citrus Chicken and Black Bean and Corn Salad. Mom thinks I'm a culinary genius.
7:00 Coffee House, Part II.
7:10 Raining. Latte. Still a happy girl.

Freaking

A friend mentioned today my propensity to freak out.

It made me realize that I really don't like that about myself. The causes of these little outbursts are diverse, but usually originate with some mini-drama involving a client at work. It's interesting to me that this is his impression of me. Because really, he's one of the few people that I freak out to. I feel safe venting to him. Don't know why.

For the most part, no one else in my life, with the possible exception of my mother, is privy to these daily frustrations. I don't know why I put this poor guy through having to listen to me rant. He certainly has his own frustrations and challenges to deal with.

So, my challenge is to temper my response to daily challenges and leave my friend out of it. He doesn't need to know. Upon reflection, it's not very friendly to unload all of my burdens on him.

Anyway. Something to think about.

Isolating

Feeling very isolated today. Cut off from real people.

It's weird. Holidays are just like this sometime. They make me feel like I'm on my own island. Separate and apart from everyone else.

I don't remember when it started. Maybe when I was in Chicago, literally apart from my family.

But, I remember feeling like this in Shawnee as well. I think maybe it's just me.

Maybe I am an island.