Remembering

Recently, I've been remembering things that I made myself forget a long time ago. I have learned a lot during the last 10 years. And to my great relief, I have healed. I am not the person I was on April 25, 1999, but I am a better person. I'm a whole person again.

I went back to the old apartment on Saturday. Ten years to the day. In some ways it feels like yesterday and in other ways, it feels like a lifetime ago.

I'm so grateful to be where I am now. I am trying to remember that everyday.

Thinking

So much on my mind today. I'm having a hard time shutting it down to go to sleep. Nothing to say. Can't put it all into words yet. Think I'll read for awhile. Just one of those nights when I wish I had someone to talk to - to help me sort it all out. Someone to tell me it's all going to be ok.

Celebrating

I've decided to celebrate the 10 year anniversary. Sick, I know. But, the point is that it's 10 years later and I have not only survived, but I'm doing really well. Cause for celebration. I should bake a cake.

Cute Cop has had a disastrous week. Poor guy. I wish so hard that I could help him. Wish I could make his life better.

I am going out with the Ambitious Attorney later this week. I don't really want to. But, he is a great guy and wants to spend time with me. He must be crazy! I guess time will tell.

Hurting

So many people are hurting right now. All because of one guy. It's sad. Luckily for me, I'm not one of them. I was. I had my day(s) of hurting. I had my lost mornings at work, curled up in a co-workers office, crying about a guy, who is indifferent to causing tears. But, today, I'm not the one crying. It feels good. I feel like me again. I'm busy. I have great friends who love me.

But, I do feel terrible for the girls who are crying today. I have a really hard time sitting by when there might be something I can do to help, to ease their pain. Ugh.

On a happier note, I'm off to a Wedding Shower. Hope springs eternal, I guess.

Recognizing

Earlier tonight I caught my own eye in the mirror and recognized a girl I haven't seen in a long time. It's been 10 years, or it will be 10 years on the 25th. Ten years. I didn't think I would get to be that girl again. But, I saw her tonight. The pain was still in her eyes, but there was also light and hope. I am convinced that you can survive anything. I even feel lucky in a weird way. I feel like I have a better sense of empathy and compassion than I might have had otherwise.

Life is funny. I'm just beginning to recognize that.

Ripping

I love my work. I love my staff. This has been a horrible week at work and that camaraderie that is so important to what we do is ripping apart. It's not my job to deal with personnel issues. But, for some reason, I'm kind of stuff in the middle of this fight.

Hopefully, this will all be in the past come Monday and we will just move on. Nevertheless, it's been an extremely stressful week and I'm so thrilled it's over. Although, I did wake up this morning thinking it was Friday and trying to decided if I really wanted to come to work. Thankfully, it's Saturday. So, I'm at work and no one else is. Which is my favorite part about Saturday mornings.

M and I are going to a movie tonight. I'm happy to help keep her busy. Lord knows I need to keep busy too. Doing my best not to think about Cute Cop. Although, he has a crush on M, which is just annoying. She isn't interested in him at all. But, of course, it still stings.

I'm trying to think of something cheerful, this has been so dreary. My ninja is coming to visit next month! That's exciting.

Adopting

My little Cooper is going to come live with me. I've been so lonely all alone in my little apartment. It will be lovely to have my little furry friend move in. Can't wait to get him.