Running

To quote my good friend Mr. McMillan, I need to "get my motor running". I am itching for a road trip.

I've been considering the past 5 months and how much I've gone through. It's been tough. But, I have had my favorite person on the planet to distract me. That helped. I would like to hit the road with him on Saturday, but, who knows. I think he's afraid I'll fall in love with him all over again. Truth be told, he might be right.

Anyway. I really need to break free and get away.

Mothering

It's Mother's Day. A holiday that is always a little bitter sweet for me. I love my mother and love to have a day to honor her. But, at the same time it reminds me that I am not a mother, and probably will not ever be. It makes me sad. I think I would have been a good mom.

Shining

The Sun is trying hard to break through the clouds. It feels metaphorical. Like the weather is reflecting my mood. It's a gift.

I feel good. I feel balanced. I feel like I can move on. I can have fun with someone else, like I did last night. It makes me a little sad to think about giving up on him. But, I can't ignore someone who whats to spend time with me, when Cute Cop clearly doesn't want that. The Cop still has my heart, and probably always will. But, the Attorney is a great guy and he makes me laugh. I guess I'm kinda taking a shining to him.

Remembering

Recently, I've been remembering things that I made myself forget a long time ago. I have learned a lot during the last 10 years. And to my great relief, I have healed. I am not the person I was on April 25, 1999, but I am a better person. I'm a whole person again.

I went back to the old apartment on Saturday. Ten years to the day. In some ways it feels like yesterday and in other ways, it feels like a lifetime ago.

I'm so grateful to be where I am now. I am trying to remember that everyday.

Thinking

So much on my mind today. I'm having a hard time shutting it down to go to sleep. Nothing to say. Can't put it all into words yet. Think I'll read for awhile. Just one of those nights when I wish I had someone to talk to - to help me sort it all out. Someone to tell me it's all going to be ok.

Celebrating

I've decided to celebrate the 10 year anniversary. Sick, I know. But, the point is that it's 10 years later and I have not only survived, but I'm doing really well. Cause for celebration. I should bake a cake.

Cute Cop has had a disastrous week. Poor guy. I wish so hard that I could help him. Wish I could make his life better.

I am going out with the Ambitious Attorney later this week. I don't really want to. But, he is a great guy and wants to spend time with me. He must be crazy! I guess time will tell.

Hurting

So many people are hurting right now. All because of one guy. It's sad. Luckily for me, I'm not one of them. I was. I had my day(s) of hurting. I had my lost mornings at work, curled up in a co-workers office, crying about a guy, who is indifferent to causing tears. But, today, I'm not the one crying. It feels good. I feel like me again. I'm busy. I have great friends who love me.

But, I do feel terrible for the girls who are crying today. I have a really hard time sitting by when there might be something I can do to help, to ease their pain. Ugh.

On a happier note, I'm off to a Wedding Shower. Hope springs eternal, I guess.