Erasing

Today has been a day of erasing. Posts, thoughts, habits, dreams, even part of my book project. I've done a lot of erasing.

I suppose some of the deletions I might later regret. Hopefully not.

I'm most interested in erasing thoughts. I tend to dwell on the same things. I get stuck. Today, I was stuck. I had to do some strategic erasure to move past it and actually get some work done. Which, after all, is the reason I'm here at the moment and not on vacation.

I had a pretty productive day. As much as possible under the circumstances.

I had a dream a few nights ago that I was fired. At first I was shocked and hurt. Then, surprisingly, I was relieved. I began to think of all the things I wouldn't have to do. The grants I wouldn't have to write. The event that I wouldn't have to plan. In my dream, I drifted from shock, to acceptance, to relief.

I don't think that is a good sign. Do I not love my job anymore? I thought I did.