Exhausting

An apt description of my life at the moment. I find myself in need of a nap by 4:30 most days...though I rarely have the time for one.

Between the brutal morning workouts, the hours in the water in the evening and the tornado of activity all day long at work, I am physically spent.

I'm not complaining. It feels really good. It feels productive. It makes me feel worthwhile.

Unfortunately, the volunteers hours seem to be squeezed out, at least in the short term. I regret that. I really enjoy my volunteer projects. But, there are only so many hours in the day.

Moments ago in a coffee shop, I heard a voice across the room that sounded like Adam's. It wasn't, of course, but it made me realize I hadn't thought about him in weeks. That made me sad.

I've been thinking about energy a lot this week. My energy level is very different from what it was when he was around. My overall energy is much more positive than it was last year. When I'm having an especially cheery and optimistic day, it makes me laugh to think how much that would annoy him.

Then I realize how much better my life is without him in it. That part still hurts.

A writer friend once said, of a similar situation, that "holding back the tears in exhausting". She was right.