Hiding

I've been thinking about the ways that I hide. I am by nature reclusive. But, it seems recently, I have been hiding in plain sight. Many nights that means blending into the background of a coffee shop with a book. Existing among many other people, but separating myself from them. Hiding in the world of the book.

The link that I've made recently in my mind is between that and hiding from the world behind a wall of weight and self-esteem issues. Working through many of those issues and watching the weight melt away, it occurs to me that I habitually separate and isolate myself. The twisted part is that I convince myself that I am being kind or considerate by doing so. In my mind, it seems unfathomable that someone might want to spend time with me. So, I continue to hide. Like now, in the early morning hours of a beautiful Saturday, my dark and quiet office feels quite comfortable.