Monday, December 22, 2008

Bitching

I find it unproductive to bitch and complain when bad things happen. As a rule, I tend to seek solutions and move on. I feel like my energy is better spent this way.

But, last week was, by far, the worst week of my life. I feel the need to bitch a little to myself. If someone happens to be reading this - please stop. Spend your time reading something more productive.

So, here's the week.
Monday. No bonuses for the staff. Not enough money. i.e., I suck at my job.

Tuesday. Cute Cop doesn't want to be with me. Plain and simple. Have to admire his honesty. I think Dad is in the hospital, but he hasn't called me.

Wednesday. No really, he's not kidding. He doesn't want to be with me. And, oh yeah, Dad is in the hospital.

Late Wednesday. Dad in ICU. Ventilator. Feeding tube. Asleep.

Thursday. Same.

Friday. Same. Tubes come out, one by one. He starts to wake up.

Saturday. Awake and grumpy. But, awake.

Sunday. Same.

I am exhausted. I am scared about the next surgery. I am scared about what the future holds for him. I'm pissed off about how he's treated us.

I'm sad. I'm disappointed. I don't want to give up on Cute Cop. I don't want to not be a part of his life.

I don't want to keep going like this. I need something to change. I need this to be over soon. I don't think it matters at this point what I need.

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