Existing

I'm existing. I'm here. That's the good news I guess. I'm somewhere between numb, pissed off and scared out of my mind.

I don't want to continue to exist like this. I don't want to become the person that circumstances are necessitating I become. I can't exist without some control of my surroundings. Some choice in what happens next. All of my choices seem to be suspended at the moment.

I feel like I'm floating through space bumping into things as they come slamming into walls unconscious and unaffected.

I wish to go back. One week. One month. Anytime before now. Now is no good. Tomorrow is not looking good. I don't know what or when I can look forward to something. I don't want to think about it too hard.

For now, I'm existing. Alone on an island. Watching the sky for a rescue plane. Fearing that one won't come.